I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
