my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
