how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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