Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
