I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
