Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Tell her she can't have a vagina
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
