By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
