you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
