glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
