And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
