You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
