Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
