I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
