You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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