We won't sleep together?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize