it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
