Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
