Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
