and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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