the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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