life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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