I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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