just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
