Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
