Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
