Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
