...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
