i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
