and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
