Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
