I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
