i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
