margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
