Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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