The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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