Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
