Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
