addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
