Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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