Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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