Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
