she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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