She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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