i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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