just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
