i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
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