Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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