it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
