there's paper in my vomit.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize