btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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