do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
