After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Randomize
