Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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