best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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