Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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