Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
