I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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