you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
