then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
