Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
