Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
