Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
