I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
