Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
