Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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