she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
