You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
