he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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