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Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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