You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
